One way to grow personally is to do things that terrify you. This past weekend, I did just that. I train martial arts. One is a form of Filipino Martial Arts called Counterpoint Tactical System, and the other is Brazillian Jiu Jitsu. Each poses unique challenges that push me to my mental, physical, and problem solving limits. In Jiu Jitsu, competition is an option if you are so inclined, and this past weekend I tried it for the third time at the Submission Challenge. But it was my first competition at a higher belt level. Naturally, I was nervous. In addition, this tournament used a set of rules that I was weakest at; so, I was extremely nervous. I lost. Twice. Neither were even close. While I’m not happy with my performance, I’m so glad I competed.

First, even though I didn’t plan on it, I stepped in to coach one of SCMMA’s kids who competed. That was an eye opening experience, and I loved it. Sitting on the sidelines, I was more nervous and more stressed than the kid competing. He did great. Watching the kids compete is a real treat because they are so innocent. If they don’t win, some cry, some accept it, some get mad. But the adults surround them and buoy them. You can see the kids learning life lessons right there, and because they are so innocent and so in the moment, just a few minutes later, you’ll see the same kid running around laughing. They let the loss go. That’s a lesson that I’m trying to put into practice.

I ended up coaching some of the adults as well. Again, I loved coaching. It’s such a different perspective, and I hope to do it again in the future. I might be a better coach than competitor. I am okay with this if it’s the case. Whatever helps my team more is what I’m willing to do. Watching friends succeed is intensely gratifying.

Finally, this was the Submission Challenge. The rule set is ten minute matches with no points. The only way to win during those ten minutes is through a submission. There is overtime if regulation time ends without a winner. I won’t cover those rules because I lost twice in regulation. To contrast, other tournaments have five minute matches with points and a sudden death overtime. My skill set works better with points. I am not good at submissions. This is not being humble, nor self-deprecating, nor too hard on myself. It is just the truth. It’s my weakness, and I’m working on it. In fact, that is why I wanted to enter this tournament. I wanted to force myself to confront my weakness in training and in competition.

I went into both of my matches too much in my own head. I could have prepared more (although this will always be the case in every match). Both opponents were good at pressure and making me uncomfortable, and I didn’t relax into the discomfort. By not relaxing, this led to a number of bad decisions, and rightly my opponents took advantage of those bad decisions. Part of this is good strategy by my opponents; the other part was my ego. I was too attached to my abilities that I let the basics get rusty. I know better than this. Always, always, always work on the basics. Keep them polished; keep them fresh; look to understand them with Ph.D. level amounts of study. I was too attached to losing that I didn’t take my time to slow down my thoughts. I panicked and made mistakes. So, it’s back to the drawing board.

Now, please, understand that I’m not making excuses or diminishing my opponents. Both of them were better than me on that day. It happens, and congratulations to both of them. I know they worked hard to get ready for the tournament, and their performances showed that. Both were really nice guys, and I’m happy that I got to compete against them. They were friendly guys who earned their wins. Hopefully, in the future, I’ll compete against them again and be able to give them more of a challenge.

In order for me to get better, I have to look at my performance honestly, and sometimes that sounds like making excuses or not giving the other person credit. I try not to do that. But I also can’t ignore that I made mistakes that I shouldn’t have. The only way to grow is to assess – without ego – my skills and my weaknesses. This competition gave me a good idea of where I’m at, and where I need to go. For that, the Submission Challenge was priceless.