Prior to Covid, a Facebook friend starting posting nonsense about 5G and cancer. It was a lot of non-scientific fear-mongering for people who weren’t science literate. Soon, this person started posting Qanon stuff, and I was exposed to the insanity that is Qanon, Pizzagate, and Adrenochrome. Frankly, I was incredulous and curious. How could reasonable people believe such ridiculous things? When I found out about r/QAnonCasualties, my heart dropped as I read story after story of families being ripped apart by this mass delusion. I read so much that I had to force myself away from that subreddit. When I first saw The Quiet Damage by Jesselyn Cook, I needed to read it. When I began reading, I was back into my days lurking on r/QAnonCasualties. The stories were compelling, heartbreaking, and impossible to put down. Cook wrote a book about a certain type of modern family that is hard to believe exists and too real to ignore.
TL;DR
Jesselyn Cook’s The Quiet Damage is a beautiful, sad look at how Qanon tears families apart. Over the course of this book, we meet and become invested in the struggle of five families to adjust to how Qanon has changed their lives. Highly recommended.
From the Publisher
The riveting story of five families shattered by pernicious, pervasive conspiracy theories, and how we might set ourselves free from a crisis that could haunt American life for generations.
“Compassionate, wise, and thoroughly reported . . . one of the defining books of our time.”—Johann Hari, New York Times bestselling author of Magic Pill
“SHED MY DNA”: three excruciating words uttered by a QAnon-obsessed mother, once a highly respected lawyer, to her only son, once the closest person in her life. QAnon beliefs and adjacent conspiracy theories have had devastating political consequences as they’ve exploded in popularity. What’s often overlooked is the lasting havoc they wreak on our society at its most basic and intimate level—the family.
In The Quiet Damage, celebrated reporter Jesselyn Cook paints a harrowing portrait of the vulnerabilities that have left so many of us susceptible to outrageous falsehoods promising order, purpose, and control. Braided throughout are the stories of five American families: an elderly couple whose fifty-year romance takes a heartbreaking turn; millennial sisters of color who grew up in dire poverty—one to become a BLM activist, the other, a hardcore conspiracy theorist pulling her little boy down the rabbit hole with her; a Bay Area hippie-type and her business-executive fiancé, who must decide whether to stay with her as she turns into a stranger before his eyes; evangelical parents whose simple life in a sleepy suburb spirals into delusion-fueled chaos; and a rural mother-son duo who, after carrying each other through unspeakable tragedy, stop speaking at all as ludicrous untruths shatter a bond long thought unbreakable.
Charting the arc of each believer’s path from their first intersection with conspiracy theories to the depths of their cultish conviction, to—in some cases—their rejection of disinformation and the mending of fractured relationships, Cook offers a rare, intimate look into the psychology of how and why ordinary people come to believe the unbelievable. Profound, brilliantly researched, and beautifully written, The Quiet Damage lays bare how we have been taken hostage by grifters peddling lies built on false hope—and how we might release our loved ones, and ourselves, from their grasp.
Review: The Quiet Damage by Jesselyn Cook
The Quiet Damage follows five families as Qanon enters and destroys their lives. This is a book told like a novel, but don’t expect happy endings. Jesselyn Cook put a lot of effort into humanizing everyone in the story. She approaches the situation with a balanced perspective even though her opinion of Qanon clearly comes through. Throughout Cook demonstrates how even credulous people make their way into a cult. The families come from all over the U.S.; they’re of varying ages, background, and races. The only thing that unites them is that Qanon has driven a wedge into their families, in some cases destroyed the lives that they thought they were building. Each story is devastating as close-knit families fall apart. Cook ensures that the identities of the participants remain anonymous, but she dives into details enough that close acquaintances can probably figure out who they are. The book is divided into three parts: entry into Qanon, falling apart, and the aftermath. It’s a beautiful construction in that Cook provides a story arc for the book, but these peoples lives continue. There aren’t happy endings, and the choices made in this book resonate throughout their lives to this day. In an almost an actualization of Tolstoy’s famous opening to Anna Karenina*, each of the family dissolves in unique ways, and it’s heartbreaking to read. From a distance, it’s easy to see how Qanon’ers are choosing strangers and grifters over people they’ve known and cared for over the course of their life. This is a beautiful book about the dangers of delusions.
The Quiet Damage by Jesselyn Cook broke my heart. I feel for everyone involved even though I think the Qanon people are nuts. Cook avoids caricaturing anyone, and this pulled me in even more. This is a fast read because I didn’t want to put it down. I was almost late to a doctor’s appointment because I had to finish a chapter. Highly recommended.
The Families
Matt in Missouri, Adam & Emily from Tennessee, Doris & Dale in Alabama, Alice in California, and Tayshia & Kendra in Wisconsin are the subjects of the story. Adam, Dale, and Tayshia aren’t part of the Qanon cult. So, this gives the book a mix of people on the inside and the outside of Qanon. Cook gives readers a look at the families from both sides of the divide, and she gives us a deep look into the families. It’s a compassionate look, and my heart broke for each family. At the same time, this book is depressing. That doesn’t mean it’s bad; it’s just a reminder that real life doesn’t have a happily ever after. Life is messy and families more so.
Adam was my favorite of the stories. I couldn’t wait to return to his chapters. Adam’s past is filled with sadness, and he works hard to overcome that. Part of it is the role model that his mother Emily became. She, a single mother of three, put herself through law school and became a respected lawyer. Adam followed in her footsteps. But while he was trying to take the California bar exam – the hardest in the nation – Emily fell down the Qanon hole. As her relationships with her kids deteriorates, so does Adam’s life. He begins reading without believing in Qanon in order to try to help his mother find her way out of the cult. The only problem is that she doesn’t want to leave. The story of a son trying to save his mother is wonderful and sad and heartbreaking. It ended as I expected, but it was still my favorite.
Qanon and Mental Health
Cook is careful to say that these people aren’t mentally ill, but I’m not sure I agree. They are rational people led down the wrong path by grifters and scammers. These people have destroyed their ties to families and friends, which leads them further into the online community. The Qanon’ers believe they’re trying to save the world and their family. They think that their online harassment of others, addiction to YouTube, and trying to pass their mind-virus to others is saving the world for children. I don’t think they’re mentally ill in that they’re experiencing hallucinations or that it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain that’s causing this. Again, they’re rational, somewhat healthy people.
What unites these disparate families is that a member of their family found solace in the online community at a low point in their lives. Loneliness, depression, hopelessness, and feelings of powerlessness all led these people into an online community that gives them a purpose and makes them feel powerful as warriors for good in the battle versus evil. The fact that the battle their fighting doesn’t exist doesn’t matter. In their minds, it does. They have a purpose, and life isn’t a chaotic, scary thing. They believe there’s an evil controlling things behind the scene, and that by watching YouTube or trying to figure out the codes in the media, they can fight that evil. The low points in their mental health allowed the Qanon community to get their grips into their lives. Emily’s unresolved anger and grief – and, probably, PTSD – set the stage for her entry into Qanon. It seems like mental health issues are gateways into Qanon.
From my biased point of view, how can we not say these people are mentally ill. They are absolutely sure of a reality that doesn’t have any evidence to support it. They isolate themselves, like people in a cult, and they subject themselves to horrific videos and experiences, like ivermectin poisoning. Parents are disowning their children because of a delusion. How is that not a mental health issue?
Control
Qanon was aided by the Covid lockdowns and the loneliness epidemic that proceeded it. Qanon started because people felt they had no control in their lives. Bad things happened. The elites controlled things, like Bernie not getting the nomination over Hilary. Qanon provided a narrative that someone was in control, and that by understanding who was in control, you could avoid being a ‘sheep’ like everyone else. Bad things weren’t happening because bad things happen. Bad things were happening because evil wanted them to happen. If evil was defeated, life would be paradise on earth. In addition, the fact that no one understood how the Covid virus worked added in an extra layer of uncertainty. Then being forced into isolation just made people feel lonelier, depressed, and angry. These emotions are fertile ground for the grifter to plant their delusional seeds.
I get the need for control. Every person has it. I have anxiety issues because of a lack of control. I get worked up by politics, and in reality, there’s very little I can do about it. I can’t do anything about the idiocy and cruelty of the modern Republican party. Thinking that someone controlled all that would provide comfort because it would give me someone to work against. It would give me a target for all my anxiety and anger. But that someone doesn’t exist. All I can do is focus on the things I can control, like my relationships and my job. I can’t change the fact that modern Republicans want to destroy democracy, but I can be a better husband, a better father, and a better engineer. Putting effort into those areas of my life is something I have control over, and when I learned that, my life got better. I recommend you look for the things you can control in your life and focus on them.
Relationships
Matt from Missouri’s story touched me as a family man. Matt ignores his wife and children as he dives into Qanon. His life becomes about Qanon, and in his mind, he’s doing it for his family. In reality, he destroys his family. It falls apart because he withdraws from it. Relationships take a lot of work, and we have to put effort into it. In the stories in this book, readers see people shift that effort from family to Qanon. And being part of Qanon is a lot of work. They spend hours upon hours ‘researching’ and harassing all non-Qanon’ers. They are dedicated to their cause and willing to put in the effort. As a result, the effort into their relationships declines.
Conclusion
Jesselyn Cook’s The Quiet Damage is a wonderful, depressing, beautiful view into the effects of Qanon on families. It’s a book I couldn’t put down. Dive into the struggle of these five families to deal with the reality of losing a family member to Qanon.
The Quiet Damage by Jesselyn Cook is available from Crown Publishing now.
© PrimmLife.com 2024